This is Yesterday

A couple of years ago I put together my band Trashlight Vision. I remember there being this kid Soda who would turn up at the NYC shows and give me the demos of his band, ‘His Mighty Robot’. I am always flattered when people think enough to give me their music and over the years I’ve even done ‘Demo Reviews’ at the end of a tour. I love going though the box of CD’s and seeing what jems I have. I wish I still had that Kill Hannah CD with the feather in the Jewel Case, or the Disturbed sampler some bald guy gave me after a Dope concert in Chicago.
Anyfuck though the years I’ve worked with some great producers and learned a few things about making songs and albums. Between enjoying new bands, liking to share my experience, and having a vast palate of music I enjoy, I decided wanted to try on the ‘Producer’ hat.
Intentionally, I wanted to work with bands or musicians that were doing what I didn’t or couldn’t do. First up was Billy Liar and acoustic punk songsmith from Edinboro Scotland. I have to admit. I was scared shitlless. Doing a whole EP of acoustic music is something I have never done! Here, Iain, the brains behind Billy Liar was putting complete faith and trust in me. What if I let him down? Well, it came out awesome! So, I decided to give it another try. Next up was ‘His Mighty Robot’, the guys who used to come out and see TLV.
We made arrangements for an audition of sorts in Brooklyn on a weekend day early afternoon. I remember it was a beautiful day and also that the band was set on using their own gear, especially the drummer. Which was weird to me because the studio had it’s own equipment. Their music was a lot more ‘progressive’ then what I play, but clearly, there were a lot of admiration of bands like Muse to be shared.
The drummer was a monster! Solid as a rock. What a relief. When it comes to recording a band, having a solid tight drummer makes thing so much easier straight off the bat.
The agreement would be me working with them on Pre-production, and then tracking would be done by my good friend Virus. Pre-production would mean during that during the week, I would put 2 songs under the microscope and make notes and questions about those 2 songs. On the weekend, I would take the train out to rehearsals with H.M.R. and we would flesh out the changes. While I came to enjoy the train ride I also caught a ride with the drummer George on the days he worked near my hose and we would ride out together.
It was real weird because at first, I figured George and I would have the least in common. But on our ride, it was amazing how alike we were. We both had a dad who was a Firefighter and both loved the Manic Street Preachers. You have to understand that in the U.S., NOBODY knows who the Manics are. Let a lone a guy with a blue collar up bringing who wants to be a firefighter. I have become a bit of a snob when I comes to the Manics and consider myself to be the leading authority in New York, ha,ha..but George schooled me! His iPod was FILLED with B-sides I didn’t know existed. I loaned him some DVD’s I had and we bonded a bit over the Manics.
At this time I was going through the toughest time in my life. 2 of my family members were in danger for different reasons and every day was like ‘OK, is today the day I get the call with bad news?’ My marriage had come to a quick, unexpected close. I stopped eating and was not very safe without getting into details.
Many things got me though this, but one of them was working with George and HMR. The rehearsals really cheered me up. It was like being in a band, without being IN the band. I felt like I was an extension of something that I could not do myself. I loved it. It was a few hours that distracted me from the pain I was in.
For 2 months, we worked on about 2 songs a week, the band and I felt like they were ready to start tracking. I was a little bummed that we wouldn’t see each other as often, but knew that the recording was going to be awesome.
I knew George had a dark streak in him. Quite frankly, you can’t like the Manics as obsessively as him and I do, and not.
So, Soda and George headed into the studio to start tracking drums. I checked up with Virus to see how it went and he lamented what great guys George and Soda were. And, specificly, what a great drummer George was. ‘I told ya so!’ I’m sure I said.
Soda called me a short time later. I figured he was going to tell me how the studio went and I was excited to talk about it. Unfortunately, he was calling to tell me that George had taken his own life; I didn’t know what to say.
I look back and wish I had asked George more questions. You know when someone just puts the wall up…and I don’t know. George was very much a ‘Blue Collar’ guy, and most times guys like that don’t like to talk about ‘feelings’. In a way, I almost felt like us driving along listening to the Manics was helping out. Sharing how you feel though a play list. ‘Do not listen to a word I say, Just listen to what I can keep silent..’
There are those of us with dark spots on our souls. They are different shapes and have a different content. George and I shared the same one, I am thankful that mine didn’t take me where his did. Working with George and sharing the bond of music saved me one day. I wish that I could have returned the favor.

‘Someone somewhere soon will take care of you
I repent, I'm sorry, everything is falling apart

And I stare at the sky
And it leaves me blind
I close my eyes
And this is yesterday’

Long time no type!

Hey Gang.
Well I kinda had a change of heart. I wanted this blog to be very personal and for those who maybe got my over complicated brain. From here on out, I am not posting in bulletins or accepting anyone to read these without approval. So, you are the few and the proud..I hope! ha,ha.

Back home and broken!

Hey Fiends!
As I type this I'm sitting in my apartment in New York, fresh off a 13 hour drive from Atlanta. I have to get in the shower and clean my gross scaby cuts and also wash the glitter out of my hair and crevices. After pouring glitter on myself everynight I've developed full on deposits of glitter on my scalp and wouldn't be surprised if my farts were a shinny blast of glitter too!
Chris 'The Shark' Kling had determination in his eyes and was set on making the drive home in one shot. As I was sitting there reading Coroline, I would scratch my head and glitter would go everywhere! But enough about glitter, a round of applause for the Shark and his driving!
Anyfuck, aside from being tired and missing my cat, I wish the tour would have continued. We had such a blast. This past weekend was not an easy one for me personaly, and being out playing music made it a lot easier. I'm starting to wonder if I'll end up like Micky Rourke in 'The Wrestler'....who knows...
Let me first pay some gratitude to Andy and Joe respectively from Combichrist for taking us out! Their show is amazing and they are the coolest people to tour with. Same goes for the rest of the band and crew.
I can't say I knew much about Black Light Burns before the tour, so I was prepaired for the worst. Well, the worst never happened. Again, great guys and I loved listening to them while we were doing our signings at the merch booth every night.
Speaking of, thanks to everyone who stoped by the merch booth and bought a T-shirt, CD or just said, 'YYYoouufuggiinnnrAAAAWWWKKKKduuddee!' Those who just walked up, grabed a sticker and looked at us weird...what the hell..thanks to you too!
Just so you know we are working on some more touring, and other releases. But, keep in mind that this band will be a process and not an event. We need your support and your patience as well.
Lastly, I have to let you know how cool my band is! I don't think you really know people till you are dealing with the day to day stress that can pop up being on the road. That can really bring out he worst in people (myslef included!). I am so lucky to have such tallented, creative, thoughtful, hard working guys to play in a band with. Thank you Andee, Perc, and Chris.
OK. Time to wash away the scabs and glitter!

The Strand: Night of Book Worm!

Yep. I'm a nerd. Despite my outward appearance, inside is a person who likes to spend hours alone in a bookstore. Now, granted we are early in my blogs here. You can get your fix of sex, drugs and rock n' roll once our up coming tour kicks off. But quite frankly, a loud juke box, $1 shots with PBR , full of people who are ‘close talkers/bad breath’ when drunk (you know the type, your a foot away, yet they insist on invading your personal space and yelling in your face. With Jack andPBR breath.) isn’t always my idea of a good time. Don't get me wrong, there is a place for that and I've and some of the best times in my life at those places (Wild at Heart in Berlin anyone?). But when I'm home and I'm looking for inspiration, I won't find it in one of these establishments.
It's a Saturday night in NYC and it's the first I've had to myself in a long time. I've been working every weekend with the band, 'His Mighty Robot' on producing their new album and it's meant sacrificing my weekends. Production work has been awesome. I love to be in a rehearsal room with a band while we flesh out all kinds of ideas. But, I miss my Saturdays.
So, I met up with some old friends to catch up, and then I walked past a place I have walked past a million times. It's called 'The Strand' and it's a bit of a NYC landmark. '18 Miles of Books' it boasts! Having the night off and looking for adventure, I head in.
All I can say is 'WOW'! The Strand carries new books at a discount, and dirt cheep used books too! But, I have to come clean here. Before you get the idea that I'm a bookworm, it's more that I find comfort in rooms full of books then reading them ‘per-say’ (South Park?). Makes me feel...insulated and comfortable.
Anyway, a few things jumped out at me as I strolled the massive isles of books. The smell of old binding and paper wafting in the air. The cross section of humans walking around. Ideal people watching here at this spot!
I picked up a Sylvia Plath book that had an awesome quote, "What I fear most, I think, is the death of the imagination...If I sit still and don't do anything, the world goes on beating like a slack drum, without meaning. We must be moving, working, making dreams to run toward; the poverty of life without dreams is too horrible to imagine."
I try to steer clear of the music section, as it's a bit redundant to me but love the art section more. We always want what we are not, right?
More and more what I find is that darkness seeks me out. For example, I head towards a Basquiat book and pick up one on the Mutter Museum (yea..Google that!). I look for a German Language book and find myself holding, 'Seduced by Hitler' or 'Psychotherapy in the 3rd Reich'.
Even when someone knocks over a pile of books and I help pick them up, what ends up in my hands? The 'Tales of Mystery and Imagination: The Stories of Edgar Allen Poe' with awesome illustrations by Harry Clark.
Yep. No matter what I do, my dark side is always seeking me out.
By far the most impressively packaged book had to be 'Mont St. Michael' by Michael Kenna. It had this awesome slip case (http://www.amazon.com/Mont-St-Michel-Michael-Kenna/dp/1590052056).
But in the end I left empty handed. But not empty hearted or empty headed. Feeling less alone after the comfort of the books, ideas and dreams.

Ghosts of War!
As some of you may know, I have a new band and, a new tour supporting Combichrist! For a number of reasons, time has slipped by quickly and suddenly I find myself in need of new photos to promote the tour FAST!
I’ve been lucky to work with some awesome photographers, Jeff Cohen, and Steve Prue, both of whom I have known before the invention of disposable cameras (Sad but true..) Anyfuck, one photographer whom I work with is Candace(y) aka, Candylust. We have also know each other for a long time but one night I saw a amazing 'urban decay' type photo and saw the credit given to my Candace(y)! I was thrilled! I had one of those, ‘I know her!’ moments.
So I contacted Candace and we began a search for a decrepit mental institution, run down hospital, gynecological speculum factory..you get the idea..some place cold and scary.
Candace suggested an abandoned airfield at the far end of Brooklyn. But there was a catch. To go to these type of places you really need to go during the week day and earlier the better as these places are private and patrolled by the police and park rangers (ohhhh…scary park rangers..) and it’s totally illegal to be there. It’s not easy to duck and hide with camera equipment, flashes, and 4 gangly guys in eyeliner who are normally asleep at this hour, so the less hassle the better. All joking aside, you could get arrested for trespassing on Government property.
The plan was for the 4 band members to meet up at the very end of the subway line where Candace would be waiting in a unassuming car to drop us close to the site.
As I came up out of the subway I saw a Popeyes Chicken, Pawn shop, Wholesale Mattress shops and well..more pawn shops. Yea, the classic GnR line applies here. ‘You know where you are? Your in the Jungle baby!’ Yet, me being Acey Slade I found what? Starbucks! No shit! In the middle of the ghetto I find the mermaid of the caffeine sea! So Andee and I leg it over, meet up with Chris and Per-C when we see a place that needs do description. Meat Town. Yep. Meat Town. What the Fuck!?!?
From the outside the Airline hangers looked pretty cool. But what we REALY wanted was some destruction. Not the kind that was near the Pawn Shops and Meat Town. The kind that was inside the locked up Hangers!
I found an opening that was un-secured and peered in. It was a gloriously destroyed airplane hanger. The huge glass paned ceilings had fallen in and rusted beams were everywhere with snow on the ground and piles of rust and destroyed…well..stuff!
Fact is we could be arrested just for being on the grounds, so fuck it, why not go all the way, right? We were already fucked if the cops came.
After looking around a bit we find our way in and Candace started snapping away with the camera. The more time that passed without being detected by Rangers or Cops the braver our exploration became. We kept going deeper and deeper into the recesses of the hangers until we turned a corner and saw something that made us all stop in our tracks.
We found a particularly destroyed section of the compound and I was about to hop over what was left of a half standing wall when Chris thrust his arm out stopped me. ‘Dude, stop!’
By this time the others had caught up with me but nobody spoke or made a sound as we stared in disbelief, frozen in our tracks at the horror before us.
There lying on the floor, decaying down to it’s bones was…
..a dead…
…Squirrel!
We took it as a sign that we were not supposed to go there. Our luck had been good so far. Why push it by crossing the path of a dead…. squirrel. Maybe it was a parachuting transvestite squirrel Eddie Izzard talks about. Hummm a hate crime?
It was fuckn’ insane. You really DID have to be careful as there were huge chunks of ceiling just dangling and pieces of floor completely missing. With one wrong step you could either fall to your death or have a ton of concrete fall on your head. But, no guts no glory.
As we wrapped up our shoot and made our way to the car, we saw some other photographers heading our way, only to get cut off by ‘the man!’ Hey better them than us. SUCKERS!
While this was not the most exciting story. I DID get ya with the squirrel, right (you thought it was going to be some Rivers Edge shit didn’t you!)? The band and Candace (and Chris!) had a lot of fun just exploring and the pictures are great. My imagination was running away with me thinking would find a WW II prisoner that had never been let go and still thought the war was on! Or a nuclear warhead…I didn’t even find an arrowhead. But I did find Meat Town! That’s pretty cool. See ya on tour and NOT at Meat Town..I hope.

New Years Eve!

New Years!
While home may be the best place to spend Christmas, I sure don’t want to spend new years at my childhood home! I live in New York and let’s face it; nobody can hold a candle to New York for New Years Eve. Because of my touring schedule, I can’t remember the last time I spent New Years in NYC so I was determined to make this one count.
The best New Years I ever had was in Osaka Japan. I saw Dir En Grey, then DJed at Rock Rock with my friends Yoko, Keiko, Harry and host of others. We didn’t sleep for 2 days and ended up taking the bullet train to Tokyo to see Jack’s haunted mansion at Tokyo Disney. I don’t think I’ll ever top that one. But, I was ready to welcome 2009 with open arms and was determined to paint the town dead!
2009 is going to be all about growth and change. 2008 I did a lot of things I never imagined I would do, but, 2009 will be different. I want to challenge myself in creative, spiritual and cerebral ways. While I am great at writing about my trials, travesties and travels, I’m not great with photos. I deiced to work on that by documenting my New Years Eve.

I started getting ready and let Dante, my cat, pick the ‘getting ready’ music.
Photo 2 is Dante, my cat rockin’ out to Santagold. He picked it. He thought it was good, ‘Shake your tail’ music to get dressed to.
Getting ready was pretty easy. I had my ‘fuck me’ shoes all planed out well in advance. Now, girls know what ‘fuck me’ shoes are. Guys, get a pair! Of shoes that is…Ironically, mine I got on the previously mentioned trip to Japan. As soon as I put those suckers on I understood what girls meant by what a pair of sexy shoes can do for you. And after I wore them while walking around the city all night I REALLY understood why they are called ‘fuck me shoes’. Cuz after 2 hours you’re saying, ‘Fuck Me my feet hurt!’
Photo 3 is my first ensemble (that’s a Mariah Carey reference…anyone remember Cribs with her-WASTED! I’m sure it’s on YouTube..).
Sailed down into the subway and headed to my first stop. A silent meditation in Union Square. Yep, you read right. Ha,ha..Pulled a fast one on you there didn’t I!
And no, I’ve never done this before either! But sticking true my determination to make some changes and challenge myself as I said.
The meditation was amazing. From the outside it was just a normal NYC building, but once the elevator doors opened it was a world away from NYC. The doors opened and the smell of incense hung heavy in the dark air. It took a minute for my eyes to adjust to the low candle lit room as I stepped out of the elevator. But I remember clearly, they’re being a beautiful Indian woman dressed in all white saris lighting candles. It was hard for me to get my bearings and my head around the fact that it was a silent meditation. No one was talking. I walked around a little a saw rooms full of people meditating. Some in serious zazen positions, others, just reading books or writing in journals. The room I went into was a large with maybe 500 people in it and was light by candles and had a huge Buddha shrine in the corner.
As soon as I sat down 2 things became apparent. 1-‘Fuck Me Shoes” and Stretch jeans are no good for sitting still on the floor. 2- the vibrations of all the people in the room were radiating and felt as though they could knock you over. I sat for an hour, writing and reading. It was amazing.
Photo 4 is the reality of NYC on New Years. 11 O'clock and the tourists are already wasted and can't figure out that when the 'Off Duty' light is on, the taxi won't pull over. These clowns got lucky...
From there I headed to Soho to meet up with friends at a dance for recovering drug addicts and alcoholics. Man, it was fuckin’ insane! Awesome lights, DJ’s and the ceiling was covered in netted balloons waiting patiently for the 12 O’clock drop. And when it finally did, I was lucky enough to have found my crew and be with those I love. By 12:30, it was time to head had to the ‘Burning Angel’ New Years party.
For those that don’t know, ‘Burning Angel’ is a porn site specifically for ‘alternative models’. Meaning hot tattooed rocker chicks. Normally this would be right up my alley, but tonight I had mixed feelings about going. I’m glad I went thought, the party was fuckin’ nuts! Go-go boys (photo 5!) and girls everywhere dancing on the bars and everyone seemed to be having a great time! But the down side was that it was so packed, I couldn’t connect with friends I had there. I ran into some other people I knew and we checked out some awesome bands. But, by 1:30, the good had gone from bad to ugly. The only thing worse then superficial self-seeking namedroppers, is drunken superficial self-seeking namedroppers. It’s cute and funny in moderation just like anything, but I really wanted to be with those who have been close to me. So back to Sotho where we all hung out till the wee hours laughing and lamenting about what a great year we are sure to have this year.
So there you have it! Meditating with the Yogi’s! Dancing with the Drunks! Swinging with the Swingers and ending my night with new years kiss from my best friend (photo 6)! Fuck Fear and Fuck 2008! ~

Christmas!

Christmas is my favorite time of year. Yea, better then Halloween. Probably because my birthday is December 15 and so from Dec. 10 to Jan 2 it’s kind of like one long celebration for me. You get to catch up with old friends and family and since your all hoping to get presents from one another you have nothing but great things to say to each other, ha, ha.
Where I grew up in Pennsylvania is one of the best places to spend Christmas. And my home there is a old 300-year-old colonial house that George Washington allegedly stayed at. I think they say that about all houses that are 300 years old near Valley Forge, but anyway, with the big ass tree and the fireplace-nothing could be better. Not only that but my white trash neighbors go all out for lights and decorations. I don’t like my decorations nice and neat. No way. They should all NOT match. Blink out of order. Be tacky and have at least 1 manger scene to steal a Jesus from. Btw, did you hear that some people are putting their GPS in their Jesus’ on Christmas night so they can track down who ever stole them? Shit, I’m gonna steal one and hide it at the police station! How Ironic would that be! Or a church, isn’t that where he belongs? I mean what if you tracked him down and there he was at the church? Would YOU take him back?
Anyfuck, I wasn’t much looking forward to Christmas this year, but it ended up being awesome. Without getting into the details of it everyone in my family is having major life changes. Since your family is the least likely people to leave you and should give you unconditional love, it’s easy to take our frustrations out on those we love. It can be like a big shit sandwich that just got stepped on, with all the bullshit coming out the side in Jackson Pollack style all over which ever loved one is in it’s path.
None of that this year! We had a awesome dinner and everyone had a great time opening gifts. After, we went to the church I went to as a kid. I’m not a fan of formal Christian services, but I did spend a lot of time here as a kid and haven’t been inside the place forever! And, it looks fuckn’ cool inside.
Unfortunately, we ended up at the ‘Contemporary’ service in the new wing of the church. There were like big TV projectors, and a band. Weird. And the minister kept throwing in ‘man’ and ‘dude’ just so that he could seem ‘down’. Ugghhh..I mean I wanted to be in a place that looked like a castle with big stained glass window and some grumpy old guy that would ½ scare the shit out of you.
The next day Mom Slade and I decided to change it up from previous Christmas.
There is a theory I believe in. That when you feel like you have it bad, that’s when you should try to help others. It takes the focus off your problems and makes you realize how good you have it.
So, we got up and had breakfast, opened a couple of more gifts and headed into Center City Philadelphia where we helped distribute clothing to the homeless at a church that has a all day dinner and café for the homeless.
My job was to help the men find clothing that would fit them. It was a bit of a challenge as the ‘room’ I was in was a hallway that had been turned into a make shift closet with almost no light. Also, with all the clothes being 2nd hand, the tags were hard to read to tell the sizes. But what amazed me was the gratitude that most of these guys had. It’s easy to just brush off some homeless people as mentally ill or choosing that lifestyle. But I can tell you first hand that there are people out there that are really just down on their luck and are trying to turn their lives around.
One of the coolest guys was mentally ill. He clearly had OCD and only wanted purple clothes. That’s it. Purple. Man, this dude would not stop till he found EVERY purple item that was there. And lucky for him there were quite a few purple items.
The reason I mention all this. Believe it or not, what these guys need most are black pants! Why? Many of them can get quick jobs doing catering and often they need black pants to wear with white shirts. Many of them are thin, as they don’t have great diets. They also need Men’s US size 11, a very common size. Some of the shoes these guys had on were in such bad shape, that they were happy to take shoes that I would throw away. So, if you get a chance, all you black clothes wearing people (yea..YOU!) before you just throw away those black jeans or worn in Doc Martins, take a few minutes out of your day and drop them off at a Shelter or Salvation Army near you. You might not see how grateful that person will be to find something they need to wear to work to get back on their feet again, but believe me-they are!
I got home and was looking at all the cool things I have. They are just things and they do not define me. I am not my ‘things’, but nonetheless I’m happy I have them. So, I took a few minutes to make a video to thank all the fans that have given me gifts over the years. It really kicked in that someone had to wake up, go to a shitty job they don’t wanna go to, then spend the money on a toy for ME? How lucky am I?
So it is with all my heart I say thank you to anyone who bought a CD, a ticket, a T-shirt, brought a present, sometimes even food, or made a drawing. The old theory works. In some ways my life not be how I had envisioned it right now, but I still have a amazing life and faith that there is a better plan for me that I cannot see yet!

First Post!

Well now we live in the day and age of everyone having a million different accounts for a million different things. One of my talents is writing and people have enjoyed my take on life and the rock n roll lifestyle. Remember, two different things, life and lifestyle.
Anyway, I figured I'd start a blog so that way I would not have to keep re-posting the same stories in a million places. Even a narcissist like me get's tired of writing the same thing over and over again, even if it is about my fave. subject. ME! If you are looking for the typical Jagermeister, tattoos and 'back stage' stories, well...you may find a bit of that here. But cliche, never.